Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
