Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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