I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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