you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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