Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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