She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
