if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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