Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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