Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
