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dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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