I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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