explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
