God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My vagina just clenched in fear
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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