Ambien. No doubt about it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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