Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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