we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
