apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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