dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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