I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
