I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
