it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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