it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize