I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
