okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
