Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
