U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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