$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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