Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Randomize