don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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