my mouth tastes like poor choices
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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