everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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