i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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