So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize