i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
