your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
