she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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