You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
