I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Found your dick twin last night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
