My friends, they love my intelligence
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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