dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize