can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
