I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
