there's paper in my vomit.
where does the pee come out of this thing
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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