So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We had to coat check the pizza.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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