So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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