My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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