I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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