Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
