im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
