I want to have your abortion
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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