Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
