Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
