Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize