We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
