And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Can I color on your dick again?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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