I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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