Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he fucked my hip out of place.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
