I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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