I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
