I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
