Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Walk of Shame today included voting.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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