meet me or not, i'm out of control
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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