my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
