I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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