dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
