a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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