so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
