he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
