So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
