Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
