id be glad to
I cannot find my penis.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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