Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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