Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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